Calling All Vegan’s. WE DON’T CARE.

You know who I am talking about. You go to a dinner party and the young women that comes as someones date is offered some cheese dip with bacon and she politely refused but exclaims loud enough for everyone in ear shot to hear that she is a Vegan. Guess what chick? We don’t care. We don’t care that you don’t eat meat. We don’t care how healthy your diet is. We don’t care how fantastic you feel. The truth is, we really don’t care. Furthermore it pisses us off. Why? Cause we know you are pushing an agenda. The only reason to tell the world you are a plant eating, hippy, is you want others to follow your example. Instead of saying “No thank you.” You have to bring your personal lifestyle into the conversation. It isn’t that we don’t like Vegan’s it is that we don’t want an agenda pushed on us, regardless of what it is or how freaking healthy it may be.

While you are busy telling everyone how famous doctors promote veganism and that studies have shown that vegans have less heart disease, you always seem to leave out the part that the other part of your hippy lifestyle kills you faster. Sure you might not die because your heart exploded from red meat but that smug attitude that you have in your prius while you are texting and driving is going to come to a halt a second before your body does. Or that trendy new spa treatment that gives you a flesh eating bacteria will kill you faster than a cheeseburger. Better yet, how about the fact you have a better chance of killing your friends with your salad that has bits of foreign matter on it than I do when I serve steak cooked to 175 degrees.

Sure, I could die from heart disease, lung cancer, colon cancer, testicle cancer, some other cancer we don’t have a name for yet, terrorism, drunk driving, making the wife mad, hunting accident, or gang raped by a gaggle of hot strippers high on LSD. (A personal fav.) but all of those with one exception, and no it isn’t the gaggle, could happen to you as well even after you spent your life dining on grass. Which brings me to the point of if you want to be a vegan fine, have at it. Just keep it to yourself and don’t push your agenda on the rest of us sane people.


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