Coruscant Faux News: Imperial City.
Today the government announced a major set back in operations in the War on Terror. A small band of determined terrorists launched a major attack against the affectionately known “Death Star”. Also known in military circles as the “Small Military Urban Renewal Facility” or SMURF for short. Exploiting a previously unknown design flaw the small band of fighters launched two proton torpedoes into an exposed exhaust port. Resulting in a reactor overload and explosion. The death toll is still being tabulated but it is certain that regional governor was killed in the explosion. It is not known if any other government personnel survived.
Reactions from the previous senators were mixed. Former Senator Ron Pauli was quoted as saying, “This is an example of the problems we incur with using combat troops in these small bush wars. We need to bring the troops home and stop the killing.” No comment from Pauli’s widow. Former Senator and Republican Whip Humphrey Boner was noted to say, “Of course this is a set back but we will make sure that defense spending is increased to stop these types of attacks. Even if we have to trample to poor to get it.” Former Senator Jim Macain was quoted as adding, “We will be holding hearings on this to determine what if any could have been done to stop such a horrendous design flaw from happening again. Also we need to investigate what the Emperor knew and didn’t know.” Although it was quickly pointed out to Mr Macain that the Emperor had disbanded the Senate earlier so there would be no hearings.
Reactions amongst the various parties were also mixed. The Coruscant Tea Party Chairman was incensed by this defeat. When questioned by reporters his response was livid. “This is a perfect example of what we have been saying all along. Government spending is out of control and if the Emperor continues with these types of projects there will be hell to pay. What should we expect from a wrinkly old force user who only supports welfare and giveaways. I would not be surprised if the Emperor did this himself so he could blame the rebels.” The Republican Conservative National Chairman pointed out that Republicans have always stood for national defense and this is exactly what they feared when the Emperor and his liberal cronies took charge. Left Wing Leader Chi Chi Biden pointed out that if there had not been human rights violations with Alderaan this might not have occurred and blamed the Republicans for stopping Human Rights legislation.
Both Greenpiece and People For the Ethical Treatment for Wookiees were both concerned about the environmental issues. Greenpiece issued a statement saying this is why we should switch to an all solar and wind system for all military bases and wanted to know about sector cleanup. PETAW issued a press release saying wondering how many slave wookiees were killed in construction of the Death Star.
Believe it or not there is a point to this. Today there is a lot of perspectives out there in the news but what is worse is there is a lot of spin. All sides are trying to spin things there way and the truth lies between all of this spin and untruth. We have to be vigilant and on our guard.